I mean truly know yourself?
Perhaps I am getting closer. I do know that for most of my life - certainly from the age of about 5 until about 40 - I thought I did but I let so many outside things influence my life. Some for the good but so many helped me deny myself.
It truly is 2 days until I see my birth mother. That all changed yesterday and it is just fine. Back to the original plan - arrive Sunday - go to Lynchburg - then to Chattanooga.
2
Two women who have been a part of these 54 years. Two women who live in different worlds with this one connecting person. Two women - one I know quite well and the other not so much. One sewed clothes for me, cooked meals, ran me to sporting events, taught me how to sew, taught me how to cook, provided a way for piano lessons - and you know this list could go on and on. My mother (DJ) has been and continues to be a monumental force in my life.
Perhaps most importantly is what she and my dad did every single day, every single moment - they taught, showed, gave and experienced Love.
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| One of my favorite pictures of me & my parents. This was taken several years ago - but I just love it. I am sure I don't look any older!!! |
I hope she has pictures with her parents. I hope I see every picture that was ever taken of her when she was growing up - when she was living that life apart from me. I just cannot wait to see her.
Seeing her does not take away for one moment - anything those 2 did for me.
It comes full circle.
It began in 1933. That was the year he was born. And he shouldn't have lived. He had a surgery every year of his life until he was in his 20s. He had so many medical issues. However - most everyone had no idea. At his memorial service - in the town he lived for 40+ years - the person who spoke said "I had no idea". My dad kept his health as a private issue. My dad knew all of his life that he would not be able to have children.
They meet - they marry - they decide to adopt. His parents weren't so keen on the idea. I know my grandparents were clueless about adoption but early on they said some hurtful things about that baby. I do believe though that they soon realized that as much as you want to think that baby isn't a part of your family - she is in fact - your family.
In the meantime - there is a birth mother that is making what assuredly was the most difficult decision of her life. But that decision - allowed that man & woman to have a baby.
Now it is that man & woman who nurtured a baby into this woman who can find that mother.
Full circle. She loved. They loved. She loved.
Birth mother loved and she gave. Adopted parents loved & loved. Because of love I could go on the journey to find her.
Love matters. It really does. So many of our life journeys require love. Heavens - all of life requires Love. But true love creates vulnerability. And that is where most of us lose ground.
There are 2 men in my life that have really helped to encourage this Love of self journey. Last summer I went to help a friend at his vineyard. I went 6+ hours from home - alone. It was one of the craziest things I have ever done by myself. And it was one of the very best. I came home with a whole new level of courage that I had not had before. The next was a person I met on a plane. On that plane ride I had to share stuff that I was thinking. I had never shared those things before - and when I did - we both ended up in tears. Again - being vulnerable. Being open to others - for others - with others. Those 2 are forever dear friends - they helped me find myself again.
They helped me define Love to myself - once more - this time with confidence and assurance.
While all of my life has led me to this point - the journey had some very specific steps over the last year or so. Next week when life might slow down just a little - I will share those steps. I believe that learning about Love on a level never found before is the key to whatever is needed. Richard Rohr's work has certainly helped me a great deal. He is worth reading and finding. And if you are like me you will stay confused most of the time because his language is unreal - but oh so good for the soul.
2 women - oh how thankful I am that they are both on earth today for me to Love in person.
I found her. I really did. I found my birth mother. My mother (DJ) is so happy for all 3 of us!!!
7 Days of Grace
2 days until I am in Tennessee
2 women of Love
2 to Love
Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.
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