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Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

It would have been a great photo ...

It would have been a great picture if I would have had my phone in my hand.  It is okay that I did not - one second without it in my hand is another story (that we all could write) for another day.

But today.

Son Two said the other day “look - you only get a moment in time to wear that outfit.”  He was referring to Grandson 2 and his T-Ball uniform.  Today begins the spring T-Ball and Softball season for our home.

So the picture - that could have been ….

Son One with our Grandson 2 and Granddaughter 1 walking to the car.  I am making a memory and holding onto that vision.  It is a full circle vision for me - 

This is what I ended up getting - 

Richard Rohr in his Daily Meditation post for today said “I believe gazing is a form of prayer that lets things have no right to draw froth awe leave us awestruck.”  In my case - of course my son with his children can leave me awestruck.  But what about the fact that 9 of us have been living together for almost a year - 9 of us with messy - too much clutter - 9 of us one of which requires constant supervision.  On some days - it seems like too much.

Richard goes on to say (I know I am reading his writing - but I can hear him saying it too …) We didn’t have one of our deep, blue New Mexico skies.  It was pale blue but pretty, and it was enough. It was all more than enough.

So on my days (or moments) when it seems like too much  - may I be reminded that it is enough and as I gaze on the dirty socks on the couch - may I be reminded that dirty socks on a couch are beautiful.  The Divine will and does make all things beautiful. 

In this case - it is a diaper on the couch.

Did I forget to mention that our dishwasher has died?

That one in the middle will sure miss these 2 when they get to move across town.  

All things beautiful.  

Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

I Really Like to Blog ... Day Planner Found!

I really do like to blog.  I like to layout the photos and the copy and go from there.  Perhaps I can credit this to being a yearbook editor in high school & college - or working for a newspaper during the summers.  Who knows - but I do like this format!

However I know that it is a bit in the past.  Most of the people I follow these days - use instagram, newsletters, or Substack.  I have a substack account too.  If I can figure out how to incorporate pictures within Substack - then I do not mind going over to that platform too.

I suspect that part of the choice is based on financial implications.  I do not think there is a way to have paid subscribers to this blog and while I am okay with that - there are several of my friends who want to be paid for their writing.  That is certainly I seek - mostly because it means I have a bunch of followers - but until that day - I am okay with just some of you reading my work!

So this is here - but I am going to try to post it across several platforms - we will see how it goes!

I lost my 2024 Day Planner.  I ordered it in December - I suspect in the middle of my mom's hospital stay and all of the things that went with that.  Up until today - I had looked for it everywhere.  Of course if you must know the truth - I have crap stacked in all kinds of places.  Mostly books - you surely know by now that I LOVE books.

Those books on the arm of the chair - were stacked beside my bedroom door.  I thought the day planner might be with the 3 stacks I had in that location - but I did not see the spiral bound planner.  However I knew those books needed to be put on the shelf.  I did not take time to actually put them in ABC order by author - but I moved the stacks to the library shelves.

And guess what .....

Fallen behind the stacks - and behind the box they were stacked upon and actually fallen into the living room below - albeit caught on the rock wall - was my planner.

There is a lesson here.  The lesson of not giving up - not moving past the goal.  In this case the goal was simply to find the planner.  I almost sat down today and ordered another copy.  But first I decided I would put up those 3 stacks of books.  I thought to myself that maybe I was just missing the spiral bound planner in the stacks - thought that moving them to a better place - might allow me to run across the planner.  

It did.  Not exactly like I had thought - but I found the planner and it is only January 17th - I have just missed a little bit of the month!!!

There are so many quotes for "keep going" - but my favorite of all time might just be the verse I featured on this blog long ago.

She did teach me about faith.  There is so much to say about my mom.  I will share those things as time goes - in little bits along the way.  Her faith was what one would say - so strong.  A strong faith.  A faith that kept her eyes on Jesus.  I never really said enough how proud I am to be her daughter.  Maybe something we don't think to say until the person who needs to hear it is gone.  But the blessings of being their adopted daughter will linger for years and years to come.  

And I will keep going - there are certainly more "planners" to find - more things to do.  Most of all - I will just keep on with whatever the task for today is.  Today - it was find that planner and decide what I need to do to accomplish the work this week - and make a list!  

Behind that scripture just might be one of my most favorite pictures of my mom.

Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

Mindfulness - Meditation - What's with the Ms?

Several years ago I stumbled onto Dan Harris and his book - 10% Happier.

I've also read his newest book Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics.

I find it strange that I found meditation and mindfulness through the secular world rather than my growing up days in church.  But that is a difference.  The evangelical world did not promote mindfulness from this stand point.  Of course any decent growing up baptist heard the expression "quiet time".  But that quiet time always included a bible - maybe a devotional book - but I certainly did not read the same language, hear the same thoughts that authors like Dan Harris discuss.

Sometimes I think that is my (personal) issue with the religion I grew up with - many times - it almost got to the point - but that is really another topic for another day.

Mindfulness - Meditation - ?

On that bookshelf with the Dan Harris' books is a duplicate of a Jen Hatmaker book.  I wonder if anyone reading this blog would like that extra copy?  If so - message me on Facebook and I can get it to you!

That bookshelf is a bit of a great example of my mind - and also a great example of why mindfulness & meditation can be such a good thing.  Growing up - my mother actually taught me something similar but we did not call it one of those names.  There would be times in my life that she knew I just needed a diversion - 

She would tell me to go play the piano.  

Of course on this very day - the piano is rather difficult to get to (there is a legitimate reason why this room is a mess - more on that later!)   But soon - I can - just like soon I will be able to get to the book shelf too.

I have continued this study of Mindfulness and Meditation - now I have overlapped the study with a spiritual - religious side.  And for those of you who regularly practice yoga - I suspect I am speaking your language - but you are so much more fluent that me!  I suspect that the pausing of the mind in the yoga practice is a huge component of why we hear that yoga is so good for us.  

The study of the Mystics are a great avenue to learn more about the practice of meditation and mindfulness.  I have enjoyed the work of James Finley - Thomas Merton - Richard Rohr and the activities and practices of "The Center for Action and Contemplation".  I know I have much more to learn.

Link to Center for Action & Contemplation.

I have also found children's books that talk about these practices.  I find myself buying them quickly to share with the precious 4 in my life.  

Of course something to discuss here is the Buddhist faith and my assumption that Mindfulness & meditation is very relevant to those practicing - (from what I can tell).  I have certainly found that reading and learning from that faith can add to my understanding of mindfulness & meditation.  And let me be honest - referencing the Catholic faith (as I did with Finley, Merton, Rohr) would have not happened during my growing up years - and I certainly would never have referenced or even spoke of the Buddha.  

If you noticed - one of the books that I have for the grandkids is a book about the Dali Lama.  Again - never something I would have discussed growing up.  My faith - my beliefs - my way of life was very confined to what I heard at that baptist church.  And while what I heard had many wonderful things that I still cling to in this day - there are things that I have added to learn about that have made a difference too.  

Honestly - what all of these things have in common - and I will include my dad in this group too.  My dad was my first spiritual teacher - and my dad along with all of these other references would start first with Love.  

I suspect when we are serious about mindfulness and meditation - we find Love is more abundant.

Inside the cover of Zen Pig ....

Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

Birds of the air

As a young girl I decided that I did not like birds.  And as I sit on my back patio writing – I am just about to get scared!  There is a noisy bird coming fairly close to me – within 10 feet and if I am honest it just makes me nervous!

Oh she is loud – not sure why I assume she.  While I have zero understanding of bird language and how they communicate – she seems to be trying to get the attention of another bird.  Or maybe me …

Then on the far side of the porch – just behind our couch is a flock of several kind of dove.  They are much bigger than my friend over on this side – but when they fly – they create quite the stir too. 

It is cool this morning – 70 degrees – and I decided to join the birds, trees, sun and my backyard.

As that young girl – birds scared me – I don’t remember the exact time that began but my mother tells me that I walked into a house in Dallas with her and my dad to visit friends  - right by a talking bird that said something to me and I never wanted to leave my mother's side that day.  Just recently I decided to enjoy the birds in my back yard.  Kerry feeds the birds sunflower seeds (and I sweep them off the patio) – and we have 3 bird feeders.   But if they get too close – I can summon that young girl pretty quick and want to leave the situation.

Pain isn’t a welcomed experience for anyone.  However for some of us we will move heaven and earth to avoid it.  (if you are a student of the enneagram you might recognize the basic fear of a 7).  I am that person who will at all possible – avoid pain and I appreciate it when you allow me to help you avoid pain.  And these birds represented pain for me as a young child – that fear that must have gripped my body – I never wanted to experience that again.  

With the ability to avoid pain at all costs – I can also sincerely find Joy and Hope in almost every situation.  But sometimes I miss the lament.

Lament.  Lament is often used in religious settings  - but not the religion I grew up in.  I never heard that word at all.  It wasn’t until recently that I even used the word or considered the value – necessity – and certain joy that could be found in lamenting.  

Yes I said joy.  See how good I am at that?  But for me – if you are going to suggest that I must endure some pain and sorrow – I am going to find something good.  And let’s be honest – there is a bunch of good in this world.

Back to birds.  They are beautiful in the back yard – but their evidence of life on my patio isn’t so pretty!  With the beauty and wonder of the bird – comes the crap (I really wanted to use the other word) they leave to see too.  I cannot alter either part of this wonder.  I cannot change the birds – I really cannot keep the crap from showing up.  It just all belongs. (please read Richard Rohr sometime – his work can be life changing)

If I just lament for a moment – there are so many things I can think about – so many things I can ponder.  The last couple of weeks in our home have been new, different, life changing, happy, sad, certainly some crap in diapers, and most of all Hope and Joy.

For when a baby is born – mankind is given new life.

I think I will tell that young Cheryl that it is okay to be scared – it is okay to stand by your mom all day – but if you really want to experience that Hope and Joy that you love so much – go sit with that damn talking bird.  

I almost got up at the beginning of this writing.  Really.  That bird that was so loud and so close and really bothered me.  I kept thinking about that it might come closer – fly by me – but I just decided to stay.  Now I feel and see the sun rising and filling the patio with a beautiful light.  

Peace is an inside job.  And sitting with the damn talking bird is part of finding that peace.  

Lament is not a failure of faith, but an act of faith. We cry out directly to God because deep down we know that our relationship with God counts; it counts to us and it counts to God.   ~  Michael D. Guinan, OFM, is a professor of Old Testament, Semitic languages and biblical spirituality at the Franciscan School of Theology in Berkeley, California

To learn more about Lament – this article from Franciscan Media is quite good.  

Winnie Louise Groves ~ Birthday July 21, 2020

2 of Winnie's cousins - they love her

Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

Peace is an inside job

27 years ago.  No handheld cell phones, no live video feeds, no internet, no lap top, no iPad – do I need to continue?

It was a different world.  It wasn’t a pandemic so there was the visiting in the hospital, holding the baby – drives back and forth to Fort Worth.  Grandparents, friends, aunts & uncles – all part of the journey.

July of 1993 - Harris Methodist hospital -
a dad holding a son in the NICU

July of 2020 - Harris Methodist hospital -
a dad holding a daughter in the NICU

This morning I stepped into my closet and for one second thought just some peace okay? And I zapped that thought out of my head and realized – peace isn’t in the surrounding events – peace truly is an inside job. 

I love studying the mystics.  And if I am honest I don’t really know what a mystic is – oh I do – but I kinda don’t understand.  I suspect that is the point.  

You can hardly hurt saints (mystics) because they are living at the center and do not need to protect the circumference of feelings and needs (Rohr, Everything Belongs, page 25).

420 times the word “peace” is mentioned in the King James Version of the Bible.  I suspect if I did a search of books about peace I could find hundreds.  We want peace, we need peace, we search for peace, we yearn for peace.

But do we do the work of peace – or do we instead want our circumstances to give us peace.

I want less confusion, I want less things piling up on my desk, I want … I want … I need … 

Then it becomes – please make this happen, please do this, please don’t do that ….

And literally I am back to square one.  I always get back to this same square – but this time – it was just a fleeting second that I had to be reminded – a second in the closet.  I know there might be days that the second is longer but today it was quick.

This week I heard Rohr say that if he had to pick 2 books of the Bible – and I don’t remember the exact language that they used in order to know exactly where they were going – BUT I do remember that I wanted him to say ones that he did not say!  And now I don’t even remember which gospel he picked – but the other book was Romans!

So – here I am this morning in Romans.  Romans 8:28 has been a verse I have held on tight to all of my life.  I wanted that good that works together.  However somewhere along the way – I got stuck on the perceived stipulations of the verse rather than the God causes everything to work together…  Romans 8:28 does go on to say work together for the good of those who love God and are called in accordance with his purpose.  And I then I (in a former life) decided to dwell on the "in accordance with his purpose" - which I used as a weapon to tell myself - and maybe others that if we aren't doing what God's purpose is - then that whole part before isn't going to happen.  Seriously - I had a whole bunch of rules for how I thought this God - Love relationship worked out.  It is actually easier to set up the God rules than it is to throw all that out - and just set up the God Loves part.

But what if we don't stop at the end of verse 28?

Paul goes back and for the remainder of the chapter … if God knew me – he determined that I would be made by the pattern of the Son – that if God determined it in advance – then I was also called – and who he called – he considered righteous – and who he caused to be considered righteous – he also glorified!  

What?  

Finally – please read the rest of chapter 8 of Romans but I must close or the rambling will continue for days … but here is the very end ... verses 37-39 in the Complete Jewish Bible:

No, in all these things 

(hardship, persecution, hunger, poverty, danger, war – I suspect we could list anything there – it wasn't a concise list – those are examples to get us started) 

… we are SUPERCONQUERORS, through the one who has loved us.  For I am convinced that neither …   

(long list again) 

– will be able to separate us from the love of God which comes to us through Messiah Yeshua, our Lord.  

Convinced … Yes … Convinced. 

Peace is an inside job.  

Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

the Dawes Act & Indigenous

I am fairly certain that I did not grow up using the word indigenous.

I am certain that I don't use the word indigenous very often now.

But I am starting to ...

From my less than 5 minute Google search:

And this:

I am still at some sort of loss.  Of course I understand what the word means - I think I could effectively use it in a sentence but how does this impact me - why has this word caught my attention - why do I write about it today?

For several years I have been following a group of people.  This group of people are talking about God - Jesus - life in ways that speak to my heart.  I am not sure if there is ever a place for condemnation in the conversations about faith - but if there is - now is not that time for me.  I have mentioned before that I am in a deconstruction - reconstruction phase.

It can be a bit dangerous - just like any construction site - but to continue that metaphor something beautiful can rise up on the other side.

I should have been keeping a running list of how I stumbled onto most of these people.  While I cannot remember the exact order - I do remember that most all of the ones that I follow have written a book.

This week a former student of mine asked a question:

I feel quite sure you know how I answered his question.  And without debating the subject here - I think the best answer is what is the purpose of your reading?  We know that reading printed paper has amazing benefits - important  - etc....  But if the only way you are going to read that printed paper is to hear too - then for heaven's sake - Listen to a Book!!!

And that is what I do.  I listen while I drive and if the book I am listening to has thoughts that I want to forever remember - then I am going to buy the paper copy and start highlighting.  And that is exactly what has happen with indigenous.

But it also has another direct tie.  An ancestral tie that I did not even know about a year ago.  Remember my ancestors are from Tennessee and one of the first things I found - one of the things Judith (my mother) talked about was the Trail of Tears.

So indigenous people have been part of my unknown life always - now it is a life I know.

Let's see if I can get to the point of this post .....

What am I willing to do?

The devotional this morning from Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals prompted the post.  Today - February 8th marks the anniversary of the Dawes Act.  I failed to learn so much in the grade school & college history courses - I am constantly in re-learn mode.

The Google search for the Dawes Act is heartbreaking and almost confusing.   Part of the search phrases refer to the Dawes Act failing.  And I was finding myself being thankful that this legislation failed - sometimes I don't even process these crazy emotions ....  It failed because the US government did not succeed in assimilation of the indigenous people.  Ugh.

Good grief.  I was picturing a world where it failed and left the native people to their land - and things like the Trail of Tears would not have happened.

I don't want to get into a debate about those times and for me - white woman in 2020 can hear the long debate on the pros and cons.  But - I want to learn - I want to read - I want to listen (to the group I haven't listened to before).

Listen. Learn. Share.

I do think I grew up in a bubble.  I believe part of that was because I did not read while growing up.  I did not read well as a child and therefore I never wanted to read.  I am sure I used the phrase "I hate to read".  When I was expecting Son One - I had no choice.  With bedrest for 3 weeks - reading became interesting - I have never stopped.

Our Wednesday night ladies bible study class is reading and discussing a book:

The one on top - Glory Happening by Kaitlin B. Curtice.  I cannot recommend the book enough.  And the chapters are short and one can easily read one chapter a day as a devotional of sorts - or as my friend Andra did - read the entire book in one setting!   So much good in this book - such a learning platform for me.  

The author is also featured in another book:

This time it is the 2nd book - under the Common Prayer.  It is Daneen Akers' new book Holy Troublemakers & Unconventional Saints.  One of the best books for finding a group of people all in one place to broaden the mind and speak to the heart.  You need a copy.

Now what ....

I am not sure.  I just know that I learn when I listen to people who love God and have a different life viewpoint than me.  I know that I grow as a person - that my capacity to love increases.  My awareness has a stronger alert feature -

Of course I went searching for Kaitlin on the social media platforms.  I found a post that broke my heart - Back in October she shared that the teacher at her kids school taught them the tomahawk chop and were all performing it together.

I have done that.  And it never occurred to me what it might even signify.  And here is the place that I simply do not want to go - as a white woman in Texas in 2020 - I cannot even argue with my native American friends - quite simply My opinion does not matter.

I think we have to be very careful about assuming what "we" mean when we do things - that may be all well and good but once we realize that it can be offensive - then we are in a place of deciding...

Do I continue down my path of not caring - or do I decide that I will Listen and Learn?

I don't need the tomahawk chop in my life - it plays no role whatsoever.  And if I am choosing to do that action at a football game - and it sends a message of ignorance - I surely do not want to be a part.

Kaitlin shared:

Remember, truth-telling isn't really fun.
It's hard as hell.
It produces anxiety.
It sits harder on these who are constantly dominated by lies.
But, opt-in.
It's your human duty.
And it's mine, too.

I think I need a section on this blog that shares books I have read and why reading them is a good thing.  Maybe my friend (former student) Jason - could get some good ideas along the way!

Thank you Kaitlin - for truth-telling - Thank you Daneen for writing an amazing book.  Thank you Shane Claiborne & Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove for Common Prayer that brings the events of our lives into a devotional space with God.

Helpful links:

Trail of Tears

Kaitlin's Website

Chaffee Management - a site for finding lots of great people!

Short Overview of the Dawes Act


Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.

A Mezuzah, A Friend, A New Way

Do you ever think of your former self and roll your eyes?  I do - almost daily.  I try to show myself grace - there's a good reason to do that - but some days that grace is shared with the eye rolling look.

There are eyes rolling back at me when I use the phrase .... "You know my friend - oh the one I haven't met yet - but that I know because of the internet".... K4 (husband who doesn't have facebook, instagram, twitter - barely email) just rolls his eyes when I talk about my friends in the computer land of my life.

However it really isn't any different that our pen pals from the days we grew up.  And I had pen pals back then too!!!  Thankful for the internet and the quick exchange of life we can have back and forth. And as strange as it sounds to even myself - some of these pen pals of the 21st century are some of my dearest friends.

Look! I'm standing at the door and knocking. If any hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to be with them, and will have dinner with them, and they will have dinner with me.(Jesus' words - not mine although I feel the same way ... Just come over!)

My front door - it is hard to see with the dark picture - but on the right hand side about 3/4 up of the door frame is a Mezuzah.

I received this mezuzah from one of those Pen Pals - Lori from Seattle.

For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

According to Lori - in old Jerusalem one would place the mezuzah by the door of the home - inside the mezuzah is a scroll with a prayer - in this case a prayer from Psalms 91.  My friend Lori traveled to the old countries this past January - she posted her journey on facebook and it was beautiful.  And she brought back this mezuzah for me.  She also has one in her home - and she brought one for another friend too (another friend who I know through the world of internet ...).

Years ago - along with my Rosary beads in my bedroom - the mezuzah would be something that would cause me to "roll my eyes".  I had such a narrow view of religious traditions - a narrow view that created this thought that my evangelical background was the only truth.  Really.  I seriously wondered about everyone else.  Most of that wondering happened in my teens - but even as I aged - I still thought that there were certainly some hard and fast rules to what really mattered.

Then I found pen pals.

And when one starts putting a face to the things we have not allowed into our hearts - it is game over and we have to deconstruct in places we did not even know needed a construction sign.

Because for me - all people have access to this heaven thought and all people can have Jesus ways - and all people I can love.

So at Christmas time this year we had a menorah and while I did not remember to light the candles and say the prayers every night - I loved seeing it - I loved thinking about it - I loved realizing that Jesus' family would have had a menorah.  I just forget that Jesus was not a white evangelical living in the Bible belt of the United States.  Most days I don't even realize who Jesus was as a person and what that means.

Area by my front door - Christmas 2019

I am so thankful for the college roommate who gave me Rosary beads from her trip to the old country.  Beads that remind me of the Traditions of the church.  As Mitch Finley said in his book "The Rosary Handbook:  A Guide for Newcomers, Old-Timers, and Those in Between" 

- Sacred Tradition is the life of the church - meaning all of us - from the beginning right down to the present day. 

The bible that the rosary beads are laying on is new.  It is a Complete Jewish Study Bible:  Insights for Jews & Christians.  

Every time I walk out the front door - notice the mezuzah - I think of Lori.  I am thankful for her friendship.  I know I am a better person because I know her.  I do wish Seattle and Graham were closer on the map - I know I would enjoy daily visits in person with her.  Sometimes you just find those people in the world who you know are ones you are supposed to know.

This was on Lori's facebook page.

Lori reminds me.  Lori challenges me.  Lori inspires me.  Years ago I would have stayed clear of meeting Lori - years ago our paths would not have crossed.  Today I am thankful they have.  She is a bright light in a sometimes dreary world of hate.  

from the Jewish bible:

for he will order his angels to care for you and guard you wherever you go.

Thankful that Lori is guarded - 

Always, May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 2 Corinthians 13:14.